You will cry on at least one occasion.

I haven’t cried in the newsroom yet, but I had tears in my eyes in the cab on the way back to from covering this story.

I’ve always known I’m not cut out for that type of reporting, but a number of people treated me like I was a monster today for trying to find out what happened. I get it. Reporters are intrusive, but it’s our job. We can’t just not do it.

I called the soon-to-be ex-boyfriend a few times to vent in my downtime and inadvertently made myself even more upset by thinking about relationship things at the same time.

When I got back to the newsroom, there was a message waiting from the financial consultant who worked with my mom before she died. He said her remembered her well and I could hear something in his voice, maybe caution or sympathy, I’m not sure. But I heard it.

To get my mind off all of these things so I could calm down a little, I logged into my TalentEgg email and started answering emails.

For some reason, my responsibilities at TalentEgg had the power to take me away from that painful moment where everything that hurts my heart and mind — work, love, life — had intersected at once. I knew I made the right choice.

I just hope it wasn’t the Tylenol I washed down with a bottle of Pepsi talking.

Although I tend to be a little too modest in person, I’m more than happy to receive praise from them online. What I hate, however, are the questions about my post-graduation job.

In less than a month, I will be finished my four years as an undergrad. As I mentioned last week, I’ve already lined up a post-grad job at TalentEgg.ca as the editor of its new online career magazine, the TalentEgg Career Incubator.

I’ve been working part-time from on that project for a few weeks now and I absolutely love it and I can’t wait to devote to it the time and energy it deserves and needs to really get off the ground.

Being an intern takes up most of my day right now and although I love many aspects of journalism, there are times when I truly hate being a reporter. I hate it the most when I have to be aggressive and part of The Pack.

The Pack is a group of three or more reporters crowded around an interview source in a public place, like a political office, a court house or an event. We have to chase people down who often don’t want to say anything to the media and who are probably intimidated by all of us shoving microphones and voice recorders in their face.

I had to do it on Thursday while covering a court appearance by two local businessmen accused of murdering one of the men’s uncles, and again on Monday when I was shipped up to Vaughan to cover a closed-door meeting at city hall. Both stories were short and neither contained much news, but they were the two most stressful stories of any I’ve written since I started at the National Post.

Now, I’ve known I didn’t like this type of reporting since Day One, but I’ve had to suck it up to get through journalism school in one piece.

Meanwhile, I can’t wait to work on the Incubator when I get home each night and I really enjoy doing it. But sitting at my computer doesn’t make for very good stories to tell family and friends.

So, inevitably, I get asked the big question by well-meaning friends and relatives: Do you think the National Post will hire you when your internship is finished?

Well, no, I say. The newspaper industry is, for the most part, cutting jobs, not creating them. And the company which owns the National Post (and most of the large media outlets in Canada), Canwest, is in financial trouble.

As much as I love having my work published for purely narcissistic reasons, I’m graduating at possibly the worst time ever for journalists. Almost every seasoned journalist I’ve talked to since I started at the Post is watching their back, and for good reason.

Besides, I already have a job. I don’t know if I could turn TalentEgg away if something like a reporting job at the Post came knocking. And, if I did, it wouldn’t be for the right reason.

That reason would be that I feel pressure to have what the middle-aged (or older) people who are extremely interested in my life consider a “real” job. Many of them don’t even understand what email is. When I try to explain what TalentEgg is and what I do at the Incubator, they just don’t get it.

And I think some of them would rather see me choose a job in a dying, somewhat backward industry which they can identify with than a role at an online company. They don’t say it, but I can see it in their eyes and body language as we go through the conversation.

I have no plans to ignore my own feelings and desires, but it’s something I’ve been thinking a lot about since last week. And it’s something I’ll have to come to terms with.

Have any of you chosen something your family or friends don’t consider to be a “real” job? Would you?

In some ways, it’s exactly what I expected, but mostly it’s not what I expected at all.

For most of the day (until it gets closer to deadline), the news room is almost as quiet as a library. Most people just mind their own business and do their own thing.

I was introduced to a dozen or so people, but I couldn’t tell you what most of their names are.

Except for the two other interns on either side of me, I have no idea what anyone else is working on. I catch snippets from other reporters’ interviews if they’re sitting near me and talking loudly, but mostly everything in the paper the next day is a complete surprise.

The majority of the people who work there are men, and almost everyone is white.

And interns are definitely not coddled. I think I’m already trying my editor’s patience with how much I communicate with him (especially near deadline).

Tomorrow, my first article — Signs of life for Hollywood North: ‘Toronto is back on the radar’ — will be published in the Toronto edition of the paper.

Although I did work really hard on the story, I was kind of surprised at how easy it was to put together. After all, I didn’t think in my first week I would be interviewing Mayor David Miller, producer Ivan Reitman or the men who financed and run Filmport, among others.

Having a large publication like the Post behind my name when I try to set up interviews has given me a greater confidence. I know my own skills are strong enough to get things done, but it feels so nice to not have to say “journalism student” or “reporter at [a publication you’ve never heard of].”

It’s not a family feeling like we had at The Ryersonian, but I can already tell I’m going to get a lot out of it — the really nice clippings are just a bonus.

My six weeks as news editor and production manager of The Ryersonian finished Wednesday. We went out to the pub as a group after deadline on Tuesday night and our professor paid for the food and drinks.

It’s incredible what you don’t know about people, especially authority figures, until you share a pitcher of beer with them.

And after we delivered the last newspapers around campus on Wednesday morning as a group, the five of us went for breakfast at a greasy spoon nearby.

I’ve hated working in groups my entire academic career. At least one person (usually me) is taken advantage of and gets stuck with most, if not all, of the work once the others realize he or she will work hard enough to get a good mark whether they help or not. I’ve had dozens of terrible group experiences.

But this group was incredible and we knew it would be before we even started working together.

Sure, it was stressful sometimes and we were short with each other once in a while as the 5 p.m. deadline crept up every Tuesday, but we tried not to take ourselves too seriously while at the same time giving one another the mutual respect we all deserved.

After spending at least five or six days a week with these people, I now feel naked without them. Three of the others are staying in Toronto for their internships, like me, but my closest friend left for Vancouver on Saturday morning.

We became even closer while on the masthead and it feels strange that I can’t call her up right now to chat about something, or nothing. We lived a few blocks away from each other and we saw or spoke to each other almost every day.

I did her highlights in the bathroom of her boyfriend’s apartment (she moved out of hers during Reading Week) and we tried to chat like normal. We acted like it wasn’t a big deal that we wouldn’t see each other for the next two months.

The goodbye was sad and I rushed it so I wouldn’t cry. I sent her a text message later to tell her how much I would miss her, but that I hoped she had a great experience. (How Gen Y am I?)

I’ve spent the days since then working on the new project I mentioned in my last post. We officially launched it today.

The TalentEgg Career Incubator is an online career magazine for Canadian post-secondary students and recent graduates, and an extension of the main TalentEgg.ca website. I’m the editor.

I’m still working on putting together a larger writing team (if anyone is interested in writing for us, please let me know) and it’s a bit of a work in progress, but we’re so excited about it and so looking forward to turning it into an invaluable resource for Canadian students and recent graduates, especially considering the current economic climate.

I’m having so much fun being part of the TalentEgg team again and working with the really bright, ambitious students and recent grads who have volunteered to contribute content. Lauren and I are also working on putting together some fun (but also purposeful) group activities for the team once it grows a bit.

And, of course, my personal life is extremely tumultuous at the moment as well. I won’t go into details, but my life will be probably changing a lot very soon. It’s sad, but it’s something which needs to be done if I’m going to start my life on the right foot.

I’m also starting my internship at the National Post tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. The editor I’m working with told me to show up with “ideas and enthusiasm,” and to be honest, I’m a little short on both at the moment. I’m so nervous and I’m still not sure if it was the right choice for me, but it’s too late to go back now. I just hope I can do an amazing job there and leave feeling good about my work.

I suppose I’m just a worry wart. I love change when it comes, but until it actually arrives and I’m certain about what’s happening, all I can do is worry, worry and worry some more.

With some encouragement from my instructor, I realized I can do it. I’ve heard it’s a lot of work, but if I want to stand out among my peers, I have to choose to work my butt off.

I start in about five weeks. But I’m too busy to stress about it now.

I also may have the toughest interview of my career coming up in the next few days.